At publishing time, a nearby liberal woman had reportedly passed away while awaiting CDC guidance on what to do after exhaling, reports the Babylon Bee.

As with COVID and global warming, lefties loves to preach “follow the science. Too bad they don’t follow their own advice.

This is the place to find out what movies are worth seeing or avoiding. No "critics" working their left-wing woke crap into their reviews. Worth it or Woke.

Other lawyers have called her complete lack of knowledge a breath of fresh air in an otherwise stuffy profession, the Babylon Bee reports.

Sources say this tragic ruling will adversely affect the lives of thousands of feminists who will no longer be able to afford blue hair dye.

The truth is wildfires are not a serious problem in most parts of the U.S., and it’s not because the climate change gods are fickle, but because these states practice better land management, writes Jon Miltimore at FEE.

Adam B. Coleman at the New York Post: “While its behavior has been more in line with financially irresponsible lottery winners, the difference is that we expect charitable organizations to put their cause ahead of the individuals who run them.”

Kudos to comedian Chrissie Mayr for pushing back on “woke” crap and defending her right to say offensive jokes at her stand-up shows.

The deadly consequences of lockdowns: The verdict is In.

Outraged Senate Democrats are calling for the investigation of a local black man who allegedly went on vacation without their permission.

At publishing time, Colin Kaepernick had announced a new book addressing the racist and insensitive foods his mother cooked for him. A slot has already been reserved on the New York Times bestseller list during the release week — Babylon Bee.

At publishing time, Hunter offered to sweeten the deal with the CCP by adding a pile of classified documents from the junk drawer.

“It’s time to pay up, Gentiles!”

“McQuack then dismissed his employees as he was running late for a 3 PM meeting with the FBI on what news they would be allowed to publish that day.”

Running out of money to bribe Democrats with is a no-no!

“Joe Biden was elected president because millions of voters were not allowed to learn The Post had unmasked his deep connections to his son’s corrupt schemes. The people who did that are not threats to democracy. They are its destroyers” — Michael Goodwin in the New York Post.

Happy with the way things are going? Vote for everyone the Biden administration tells you to.

“I have doctorates in both psychology and parapsychology! How dare you?" exclaimed Dr. Venkman.

Sales of Biden’s new book, “Mein Kampf” are through the roof!

The Attorney General then did a little spin in his purple gown as the press gasped with delight.