Short and Sweet

Short and Sweet 

By Lawrence W. Reed

Sometimes a good point can be expressed better in a pithy or witty sentence or two than in a serious 500-word article. I enjoy collecting such gems of wisdom and humor. For your edification, I offer a batch of them here:

Imagine living in a country so great that even those who hate it refuse to leave.

“Vegetarian” comes from a Latin word meaning “bad hunter.”

It’s easy being a communist in a free country. Try being free in a communist country.

If your country has enough money to give to other countries, you’re being taxed too much.

I’m currently boycotting any company that sells stuff I can’t afford.

“Real socialism” has never been tried in the same way that “real capitalism” hasn’t been tried. The difference is that “almost socialism” resulted in the impoverishment and death of hundreds of millions of people while “almost capitalism” has lifted billions out of absolute poverty.

Without freedom of speech, we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Do you think there’s a reason why drag queens want to do story hours with children instead of adults?

When the Berlin Wall fell, nobody ran to the communist side.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

The greatest leap of faith in the history of the world is the atheist notion that everything came from nothing.

My father voted straight Republican all his life, but since he passed away, he’s been voting straight Democrat.

How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? None. That’s a job for the private sector.

I haven’t seen Democrats this mad since we freed their slaves.

Scientists say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. They forgot to mention Morons.

The only difference between socialism and communism is a little time.

Imagine trying to tell George Washington that the people’s right to bear arms should be dependent on a piece of paper from the government.

They used to time me with a stopwatch. Now they use a calendar.

The government doesn’t want to give you free things to “help” you. It wants to give you free things so it can control you.

I’m trying to lose 20 pounds but it’s not working. I’ve got 27 to go.

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

Why does homelessness go up when the government spends billions to end homelessness?

What’s the difference between socialism and democratic socialism? Both are horse manure, but the latter has sprinkles on top.

Each living cell (about 30 trillion in every human body) is more sophisticated than our most advanced machines, yet we’re told that it arose without direction or design.

If guns kill people, I guess pencils misspell words, cars drive drunk, and spoons make people fat.

I walked past a homeless guy with a sign that read, “One day, this could be you.” I put my money back in my pocket, just in case he’s right.

When she turned 70, my mother started running five miles a day. She’s now 75 and we have no idea where she is.